Monday, September 20, 2010
will a monkey make a good pet?
Will a monkey make a good pet? maybe or maybe not. A monkey may make a good pet, because it may make good company if your lonely and also it can be your very own close personal friend maybe. You probably could train the monkey to do what every you need it to do, like Micheal Jackson's (R.I.P) pet monkey(bubbles). Then again it wouldn't make a good pet, because you have responsibilities to take care of the monkey. Also maybe one day the monkey wasn't feeling good one day and just turned on you and attacked you. You have to think about those type of things. I don't think I could own a monkey even though some of them are so cute, but I'm not going to risk having one. If you choose to have one or not its on you. I believe the wont make a good pet.
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Take out those unnecessary maybe's and get rid of that probably.
ReplyDelete"feeling good one day and just turned on you and attacked you."
I know you know whats wrong there--fix it.
Okay, in the begining you say " A monkey may make a good pet," but at the end you say it does not " I believe they wont make a good pet."
As your reader, I got confused and felt that you were not sure on your topic.
I agree with alice... as you revise this post, consider using a theasarus to find similar words or phrases to prevent repetition. Although, it doesn't matter what side you choose. It's your choice to be in the middle instead of taking one side. Conclusion: make sure fix your mistakes and add a little more detail to prevent confusing the reader
ReplyDeleteI agree that monkeys wouldnt makea good pet pet. Suggestion: The use of "maybe and "probably distract from the effect of the prompt. It makes you sound unsure as a writer. You know how you feel so sound sure of it.
ReplyDelete